Are you “holding space” for yourself?
“Holding space” has been a popular phrase this year, but do you actually do it? Most perfectionists don’t. If perfectionism is ruling your life, odds are you don’t have time to create space for yourself. Your schedule is already packed, you’re busy avoiding things or too full of overwhelming emotions and thoughts to add anything else to your plate.
“Holding space” is so important though. It’s one of the most important skills you will learn as you overcome perfectionism and it’s actually the foundation of what good coaches provide. But you can also create space yourself.
Holding space looks like: honouring your experiences and emotions; not avoiding the tough stuff; giving yourself room to fail; and speaking to yourself with compassion and care. It looks like letting yourself slow down so you can see what’s really going on and who you really are.
Have you ever had your best ideas in the shower? Or maybe while on a walk in your neighbourhood? This is because you have created space to process and face things. If you are in the habit of asking yourself really good questions, then intentionally give yourself the space to explore answers, you will be miles ahead of the rest of us. This is the ultimate life-coaching skill to learn and it’s all about being proactive.
If you are convinced that you don’t have time to hold space for yourself, consider: what else can you do? Maybe you need to invest in a coach, so they can create that space for you. Maybe you need to be over the top intentional about it at first, and having that commitment to coaching sessions is what gives you the space you desperately need. Coaching can literally be a place where space is held for you, but it can also help you learn how to hold space for yourself. Either way it’s a resource (if you need it).
There is a power in the “space”, especially if it follows a great question, because your brain is allowed to do its thing: problem solve. When you fill your life with fluff and busy work you don’t give your brain a chance to show you what you are capable of. You ignore the wisdom that you have within you, when all it needs is a little space to be honoured and heard. It never ceases to amaze me when clients have deep realizations during sessions, just because we’ve created that space. It’s magical and it’s what coaching is all about.
There is an element of honesty and vulnerability that comes along with “holding space” - it can be challenging to do at first. But if you are committed to learning how to create it for yourself you can intentionally create the life you want to live. You just need to respect yourself enough to provide that space.
